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Dolls and money: guilt trips over spending?

Jan 4, 2008

    1. Does it ever bother you that people spend so much money on small, dispenable things (be it designer clothes, dolls, cars, etc etc...), whilst so many people are starving in the world, and go without basic essentials like food and water?

      I'm NOT being judgmental on people in this forum specifically, I mean, my new boy is going to cost me over $800AU. :sweat But this is something I struggle with constantly, every time I buy something I don't actually need. And it angers me when I see some people spend their money on designer clothes or whatever, just because "everyone else has it", or watching people throw out perfectly good food cause the pasta's not the right shape, or something.

      I guess what I'm trying to ask is, do any of you ever experience this conflict? For me, every time I think about that $800, I think of our sponsor child who costs us only $30 a day, and I feel massively guilty.

      It sounds like I'm whining, and I know it's my own decision to buy a doll and blah, but I genuinely want to hear what other people have to say.
       
    2. Does it ever bother you that people spend so much money on small, dispenable things (be it designer clothes, dolls, cars, etc etc...), whilst so many people are starving in the world, and go without basic essentials like food and water?

      I'm NOT being judgmental on people in this forum specifically, I mean, my new boy is going to cost me over $800AU. :sweat But this is something I struggle with constantly, every time I buy something I don't actually need. And it angers me when I see some people spend their money on designer clothes or whatever, just because "everyone else has it", or watching people throw out perfectly good food cause the pasta's not the right shape, or something.

      I guess what I'm trying to ask is, do any of you ever experience this conflict? For me, every time I think about that $800, I think of our sponsor child who costs us only $30 a day, and I feel massively guilty.

      It sounds like I'm whining, and I know it's my own decision to buy a doll and blah, but I genuinely want to hear what other people have to say.
       
    3. Well, we do live in a society where luxury items are an accepted part of the average lifestyle. That said, I've never liked the built in obsolescence which is so much a part of design these days. Though I am guilty of impulse buys myself OTZ;... I don't have a problem with buying something expensive if it's going to last for many years, or if it is something I will cherish for a long time. Luxury items are made all the more rewarding when you actively work to reach that goal, which is what I'm trying to do for my boy (Who will also cost me around AUD$800 :sweat. I hope the exchange rate doesn't drop by the time I go to order)

      Generally speaking, if such excesses bother you then you should try to do something about it, however small. Whether it's donating, or just being conscious of the products you buy (such as trying to buy things which support developing countries or which don't exploit workers).
       
    4. To be frank, we are creatures of comfort. When there is any disposable income to burn, people will use it on things that they don't need, but maintain a level of happiness. Very common example:
      People can live in small apartments, but once the level of income rises, or they find something suitable for he same price, they move into a more spacious house.
      Disposables like designer clothing, cars, ect? Think about this: how about things that you've come to rely on like the internet, books, television, cellphones, shampoos and conditioners-- what about the simple morning routine of brushing one's teeth, hair, and putting on makeup (for those that do XD)? You are living in comfort right now sitting in a warm cozy place, with a well stocked fridge. Even if it's not stocked, you have easy access to more food. Lets face it, DoA is a luxury.

      My point was that what he have as "luxuries" are more basic than people like to think. In the United States, Most European Countries, and yes, Even Australia, you primary live a life of luxury. You were probably born into it.

      That being said, what one does with their own money is their business (to me). If they choose to spend it on dolls, dogs, boats, cars, books, whatever- it is their choice to do so.

      You feel a strong need to help those in need. That's a wonderful thing! So like the previous poster said, do something to help! But please understand, you shouldn't feel guilty for having the privilege of living in a well of country. Count it as a blessing. Instead of being stuck, you have the ability to help others. So just do it.

      And if you continue to feel as guilty, just save the same amount to donate. If you feel stronger about helping the poor, then raise more money for the poor!

      You have choices. Don't think you're between a rock and a hard place. :P
       
    5. To answer your question, yes, I feel guilty. But to a certain extent.

      Buy the dolls if you want to and if you believe that you are allowed AUD800 of material glee. Don't buy them if you can't stop thinking about your guilt.

      There's really nothing much to debate here since we're all fans of resin. Honestly though, I doubt that your guilt can be assuaged by what other people think. It's what you think that's most important, isn't it? If you're looking for us to convince you that you don't have to be guilty, I'm not sure if that's possible.
       
    6. Truthfully, I think luxury items in an average household is more than anything an item you've 'worked hard for' would would guarantee to last a long, long time. Doesn't matter if it's a Burberry Fall/Winter coat or a BlueFairy Special May, if you've worked for it, think you deserve it and know you'll cherish/treasure it for a long time, then by all means go for it.

      It's great that you can spend some money on a sponsor child and still enjoy your little resin people. Yes, I'd prolly feel guilty holding a doll and thinking back on how much I had to save, but really, it'll only last for so long >w<

      Just throwing in my 2 cents :6
       
    7. Truthfully, I think luxury items in an average household is more than anything an item you've 'worked hard for' would would guarantee to last a long, long time. Doesn't matter if it's a Burberry Fall/Winter coat or a BlueFairy Special May, if you've worked for it, think you deserve it and know you'll cherish/treasure it for a long time, then by all means go for it.

      It's great that you can spend some money on a sponsor child and still enjoy your little resin people. Yes, I'd prolly feel guilty holding a doll and thinking back on how much I had to save, but really, it'll only last for so long >w<

      Just throwing in my 2 cents :6
       
    8. Hmmmm. I'd like to say this bothers me more than it does, but I'm not immune to the sense of privilege, whether you typify it as American or First World or whatever. One thing to take into consideration is that buying these dolls is not feeding a giant transnational corporation--they are produced by small companies, sometimes even sole proprietorships, so we are supporting artists' work. If I don't feel guilty about buying handmade pottery at an arts fair, why should I feel badly about buying a handmade doll from a Korean artist?

      On a more philosophical level, it is not possible for one person to heal the world entirely, and while many problems can be solved on an individual level with donations, many more cannot be solved without the intervention of governments, medical organizations, businesses and other agencies. Your personal choices need to come out of a place of joy and open-heartedness, not guilt and "should-ism." If you feel guilty for spending money on something that would give you happiness, you may slowly become resentful or even bitter about the donations you feel you have to make to cure your guilt. Remember that in lovingkindness practice, we have to give love to ourselves before we can give love to others and finally even to our enemies, and that the women of the mill strikes sang "give us bread but give us roses, too." Only you can truly discern if you are being self-indulgent or if you are giving to yourself the way you would give to a child you cared about. It sounds like I'm advocating hedonism, but really what I mean is that you have to be both gentle and firm with yourself, to acknowledge the need in the world and the need inside, and balance them, not shove one aside violently in favor of the other. If you feel you have made a mistake, don't waste time in guilt and recrimination, just stand back up and start over again.
       
    9. It irritates me when people constantly justify their spending, and I don't understand why they consistently feel the need to. If someone is judging you for your spending habits, it really isn't their business. Chances are, they spend their money on things that could easily go towards purchasing a doll.

      If you want something and can afford it, buy it, especially if it's something you've given much thought to. If you can't (afford it) or struggle with feelings of guilt, then don't.

      I don't know how, what, and where the stigma of purchasing a luxury good/goods came from, and quite frankly, it's irritating. Whether you purchase dolls or expensive designer clothing, it's the same premise. To get infuriated or judgmental of those who choose to purchase the latter, it's no different than those who scorn, "You purchased a $600 doll?!?!?!?!"

      Additionally, choosing not to donate the money you saved up does not make you a bad person (not to mention, contrary to popular opinion, a lot of donations are misappropriated). Many people who have felt guilty still buy their doll anyway but wax poetic about how their money could be spent in a better fashion; I can't help but feel suspicious and think that they're seeking good words to assuage their guilt. (Not pointing fingers at you but this is what I personally think.)
       
    10. I personally don't feel badly. I know that's very, very cold of me, and I AM aware that there are people in the world who can't help living in the conditions that they do. However, my personal contact with poverty has been through people who simply refuse to do anything about their situations -- those who are too lazy to work, instead of unable, those who would rather scam a dime off of someone else than earn a dollar legitimately, and those who do work, but waste their earnings on drugs while their family tries their best to help them get straight. I personally know a woman who keeps getting pregnant by different men just so that she can collect child support and state money -- she doesn't give a damn about the kids. At all.

      So through my personal experiences, I'm very cynical, yes -- I feel that it's my business what I do with the money I've earned, since the state already takes taxes out of my wages to fund the welfare program. If I can work and handle my basic needs, with some left over for saving and a little extra here and there, I'm not robbing anyone by buying a luxury item -- those are MY earnings.

      Donating is a personal thing, and it's a great thing that there are people who feel moved to help others. :D But whether or not someone donates or helps is their own business -- I think the only people who should feel guilty are those who receive money as a kindness from other people, then turn around and buy things they don't need over food for their families or winter clothing; shame on them.

      Personally, once my time is more freed up, I would rather help in a more hands-on way than by donating -- cleaning up a summer camp, serving in a soup kitchen, etc. At least that way I know that my work will actually help where it's intended to help, rather than being stolen or frittered away as is the case more often than I'd like to think about. D:
       
    11. This is what I mean. Anyone who is in this community and accuses you of being cold falls nothing short of being a hypocrite in my eyes.

      You shouldn't feel badly, and it doesn't make you a cold person.

      As for the poverty issue, not touching that with a stick. It's a lot more complicated than what the media and daily happenstances present, though.
       
    12. Just to clarify, those examples I've mentioned are, as I said, cases I know of personally. I'll recognize that the same is certainly not true of everyone in need of aid, I'm sure my examples only represent a very, very small percentage globally.

      But firsthand experience does go far towards shaping personal opinions, even when my mind knows that's not the case in every situation.

      Just in case anyone thought I was making a sweeping generalization, I'm not pointing fingers at the whole world. Just at what I've seen with my own eyes.
       
    13. Quoted for emphasis. Very well said and my feelings exactly.
       
    14. Argh I wrote a whole post and then hit the "BACK" button by accident!!!! T.T Oh well.

      Yes. I'll admit that to a certain extent I am trying to assuage my guilt (^^"). BUT mostly I just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same way I do. And thanks to many people who have replied already (wow....), it's really clarified the dilemma.

      Firstly, one should give out of the joy of one's heart, not because you feel the need to compensate. That said, for me personally it's difficult to separate social responbility from guilt. I count it a blessing that I live a life of relative stability, but I suppose instead of feeling guilty about it, I should learn to share my blessings. But that's a personal issue =)

      Second interesting idea raised is that maybe for every doll bought, an equal amount could be given wherever it's needed. It's a way of maintaining accountability, and keeping the equilibrium between giving and spending.

      Perhaps I am being a little hypocritical when I criticise people for overspending, but surely there must be an extent at which we must draw the line. I'm not saying everyone who buys Chanel and Gucci is a bad person, I'm just saying it would be great if there were some way of holding people accountable for their extravagant. Perhaps that's a little idealistic though in light of human selfishness (maybe that's why economic socialism appeals to me >.>) But if it was unethical for the Romanovs to be living lives of opulence while their people starved, why should it be any different for us? (NOTE: this isn't a rhetorical question, it was a genuine point of debate!!)

      Which raises another question: at what point does spending on your become ridiculous? For instance, if someone started buying their dolls diamond necklaces, is that ethical? Please post thoughts.



      P.S. to SilverWinglie --> cynicism should be balanced out with compassion. =)

      Now, this time it better post.....
       
    15. If I felt guilty about it, then I wouldn't do it. Simple as that. If the money is mine, and I earned it, then I fully intend to enjoy spending it. Instead of thinking to myself, 'should I be spending this amount of money on a luxury item?', I'm more likely to think, 'should I be spending this amount of money on a luxury item when there could be something else instead that I'd get more use/enjoyment out of?' I tend to think VERY carefully before buying expensive items, and it's rare that I make impulse buys.

      To be honest, my income/expenditures are such small fry in the grand scheme of things that I doubt they matter. If I had serious money to throw around, then it'd likely be different. While I like to donate every so often, I try to help charities in other ways, such as volunteering or giving unwanted stuff to charity shops rather than selling it.
       
    16. I think that "luxury" is all relative to how you've been raised and what your regular income is like. For instance there are people here who view dolls which are $200 or less as "cheap" and not worth their while where as someone who might have a budget of $1000 a month total may view those dolls as an expensive luxury.
       
    17. I don't believe you can compare things like that.

      Just because you live in a rich country, where you are able to afford something expensive, you don't have to feel guilty about. What is the point in being rich, if you can enjoy it?
      Maybe rich is a too strong word for us, since we may not be rich compared to other in our own country, but to them we are.
      I don't think the right way to help people is to throw money at them and I'm not saying this because I'm greedy, I honestly mean it.
      Money only help for a little amout of time, when the money is gone everything will be as before. It would be much better to give the people a chance to change their life once and for all.
      It's not bad to sponsor a child, not at all! And I believe that it help the child, but that child is only one out of many, and I would rather do something to help in a way that can effect them all, than just one.

      But people have very different view on this, and this is only my opinion.
       
    18. If you feel guilt over your 800 dollar doll, then you probably shouldn't be buying it. Everytime you look at it you'll just feel "the guilt." And to answer your question....

      No, I don't feel guilty. Even if I gave ALL my money, and everyone I knew gave ALL their money, people would still be starving, people would still be abused, people would still die of horrible diseases and the world would still not be all sunshine and rainbows.

      I do my bit. I give to charity, I recycle, I try to live a good life. There is only so much one can do - and if I want a luxury item and I have the funds to do so, why shouldn't I?
       
    19. my personal opinion ...
      for years i had a very good job and i helped my family members, gave to charity and generally did without many of the things i wanted. i gave to one charity, at one point they were calling me weekly for more donations. i also donated clothing and household items to another charity and then there was a big scandal about how their staff was going through all donations and helping themselves to items that had been given for the needy. needless to say i stopped donating as i felt that my donations werent going to the people that needed it.
      i also had several relatives that i would give money to on a regular basis to make their lives easier, granted they were loans, but when it came time to pay it back, they disappeared. in short (too late LOL) i decided that i would no longer feel guilty about how well i was doing, and enjoy my hard earned dollars myself. while charity does begin at home, sometimes it gets to the point where you are taken advantage of. even Jesus, while helping hundreds, took time to indulge himself. (mary magdalene massaged oil into his feet)

      anyway what i am trying to say is, while it is good to care and help others, sometimes you have to take care of yourself and treat yourself to the things that feed your soul, there is nothing wrong with giving yourself a bit of joy, in a world filled with so much sorrow.
       
    20. Wall of text ahead!

      Firstly, thank you for posting this thread. :) I'm quite eager to see how the discussion evolves.

      Secondly, my own opinion:

      No. I don't feel guilty. At all, actually. In fact, most of the time, the starving people in the world are far from my mind, save when those sponsorship commercials pop up on the TV.

      I used to think about it a lot. I used to want to donate to every sponsorship telethon I saw. But the fact is, I don't really know where that money's going. My dad used to be good friends with a guy who was forced to give up his religion in order to be fed by these people. And my dad's parents had an ordeal with another sponsorship group in that they never saw hide nor hair of the child they were supposed to be sponsoring.

      So then I thought - "Well, let's just go to these countries and save them myself!"

      But how? I can't single-handedly save them. Can't bring a village out of poverty on my own. Can't dedicate my life to it. I have my own dreams, and my own goals for where I want to be in life.

      Really, the best I feel I can do is donate to local charities - and when I'm rich (I will be heinously rich one day), donate even more.

      But, on the specific topic of spending so much money on dolls - they make me happy. When it comes down to it, Me is the only person I really care about.

      We're all living in our own little worlds. No matter what, we're the most important people to us. Some people take it to a farther extent than others, but the core fact remains.

      And to be perfectly honest - I care more about the earth's poverty than I do about humanity's poverty.

      Accountable for the extravagant? I can't help but take a small ounce of offence to this. I don't really spend all that much - most of my money goes to saving for college, which I have to pay for myself.

      So dolls are definitely a luxury item for me, in that there are many, many other things I could have been saving up for instead of my doll. But the reason why I take offence is because before I got a job I scoured the pavement for loose change, kept every penny and nickel I found, and when I did get a job, I saved, saved, saved, even when I could have easily spent that money on something else. On impulse buys.

      I don't believe that your comparison of the Romanovs to our lifestyle is even relevant. I don't really know about them, but the way you've worded it, they ruled a country/people. Their obligation was to their people.

      And we, as regular citizens, have no real obligation to those on the other side of the world. Or even the homeless and starving in our own streets.

      As for overspending on dolls - Yeah, it can go too far. But my opinion of 'too far' is beyond the scope of this community - stuff like the dolls' personal car (human-sized) or seat on an airplane (in First Class, to boot). But that's nearing celebrity-level spendage.